Men with Chests

            There are two New Testament metaphors for the relationship between Christ and the church: the groom and bride and the head and body. The connection between headship and leadership is easy enough to see. But there is also a connection between leadership and the groom image. The connection between the head and the groom is one of many connections to be made between leadership and men. And I am convinced that we cannot talk about leadership until we talk about what it means to be a man, a concept lost to our culture in the last forty years.

Masculinity Under Attack

            Many factors have contributed to a loss of masculine identity in our culture; I focus on two. For two thousand years, Christianity has taught the importance of self denial. But a hundred years ago Freud began a movement toward self emphasis. Self-fulfillment, self-actualization, self-esteem, and self-expression have become the rage in contemporary psychology. I’ll explain how this is an attack on masculinity later. The second negative influence was the feminist revolution of the 1960’s which, even at its best, confused gender identity so that, by the 70’s, we were being told that the problem with men is that they’re not enough like women. True maturity was being emotionally sensitive and openly expressive. Anger was evil, violence worse.

            The problem with this thinking is obvious: men aren’t women! Science began to discover in the eighties and nineties what Christians have understood all along: the body is as much a part of being a person as is the mind (or the soul). It became apparent that the brains of men and women are as different as their bodies and so, therefore, are their minds. Testosterone floods the bodies of little boys in the womb, wiring our brains and nervous system with special qualities. It’s where we get our aggressiveness and action-oriented natures.

            Men are doers more than talkers. We tend to be less compassionate, but on the other hand we get things done. The masculine nature, like the feminine, has its positive attributes as well as negative ones. Mel Gibson’s The Patriot is a good study in these qualities. At the beginning of the movie, we hear the Gibson character refer to his fear that the guilt of his past will be exacted upon his family. We learn later that he had participated in a massacre of Indians during which the soldiers lost all control; they tortured the Indians and celebrated doing so. The hero swears he would never do violence to men again until his son is unjustly captured and taken for execution by British soldiers. With his two youngest sons he lays an ambush for the British escort—one man and two boys against twenty. He instructs his boys to shoot the officers first and proceeds himself  to shoot, knife, bludgeon, and hatchet his son’s captors till all are dead and his boy is safe. Violence used for murder and for rescue. Christian men can never forget that David, a man “after God’s own heart,” killed thousands of men with his own hands. Nor can we forget that Jesus could have stopped the violence done against Him at any moment but chose to suffer for us instead. This is the paradox of masculinity.

            But men haven’t been able to make sense of it because for the last forty years we’ve been told to be more like women. Daytime talk shows and the latest psycho-babble fostered the belief among men and women alike. The Lone Ranger was replaced by Barney and TV violence became the greatest evil perpetrated on our children. We tried to turn our boys into girls and kill the masculine drive. The phenomenal movement of the nineties called Promise Keepers was proof that men desperately needed to understand the connection between spirituality and manhood.

Rage and Restraint

            So what does it mean to be a man? A clue came to me from science. Babies would all be born female except for an extra chromosome that pumps testosterone into the body, turning it male. This clue suggested that perhaps men have something extra, something that they have to bring under control if they’re going to get along with society at large. I think the first key to masculine nature is rage and restraint.

            Matthew 5:5 says, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” We get from this well known verse an idea that Christians are supposed to be gentle, peaceful, quiet, and timid. Have you ever noticed how, in gospel movies, the Jesus character seems always to be skinny, weak looking, even girlish? How many non-muscular carpenters who can survive a whipping like the one portrayed in The Passion of the Christ do you know? True meekness or gentleness—a better translation—is not weakness, sheepishness, or passivity. Aristotle defined the word as being angry at the right time and restrained at the right time. It’s a word used to describe the bridling of horses. It is power under control. In essence it requires self-denial, not self-fulfillment. Being masculine means being strong and keeping that strength in check for proper use.

            I think of the rage Jesus showed against the Pharisees and the money changers in the temple. And I think of the restraint He showed before Pilate and on the cross, refusing to call his armies to come rescue him.

            It’s a theme that has been returning to film in the last few years. In Gods and Generals, Stonewall Jackson exhibits amazing courage on the battle field but weeps like a baby when a little girl whom he had befriended dies of a fever. Saving Private Ryan features a Psalm quoting, Christian sniper who dispatches his enemies with dispassionate precision (are there not times when men must avoid being the emotionally sensitive types that have been touted as the example of true male maturity?). The movie also features a scene in which a squad chooses not to execute a German prisoner even though he contributed to the death of their friend.  

Heroic Action

            The second key to the masculine nature is the need to act heroically. The examples I gave in the last section were war stories, stories about heroes. So what’s a hero? I once attended a Promise Keeper’s rally during which a speaker discussed sexual purity. At one point he said, “I want all the virgins in the audience to stand; we’re going to pray for you.” Fifteen or twenty thousand men stood up, and the rest of the audience went crazy with cheers and applause, and for one moment in my modern American cultural experience, virginity was not only morally right, it was very, very cool. And coolness is the key to moral motivation.

            We tend to think our beliefs motivate us to be good. They certainly determine our morality, but they do not motivate us to moral excellence. What moves us is whatever captures our imaginations, whatever we perceive as cool.  Psychology calls it role modeling—role models present an image, a persona we want to copy. English teachers call it heroism. The Bible words that cover the concept are honor and glory. Attraction to the heroic comes from our experiences—peers, parents, sports heroes, and movie heroes attract us, motivate us to be like them.

            Think about the difference between shame and guilt. Young Christian men and women understand the importance of sexual purity. Yet they face contradictory emotions in response to it. Those who give in and lose their virginity feel guilt for violating their beliefs. At the same time, though, those who are faithful often feel shame or embarrassment because virginity isn’t cool in our culture. How many people did you know in high school who walked around bragging about their virginity? A thousand years ago things were different. If a medieval knight lost control of himself, his honor was also lost. Knowing what’s right simply doesn’t empower us to do what’s right as much as believing in it emotionally, imaginatively.

            Heroes inspire us; heroes are our role models. They act with courage and excitement, believing what they do is very, very cool. And Christian men will only be Christians and men if they act like heroes. What is a Christian husband called to? Nothing less than dying for his wife—fifty years of dying to himself, living for her (Ephesians 5:25). What is a Christian father called to? Nothing less than being a hero to his kids, sacrificing his time, his hobbies, his frustration, his sleep to care for them. And Christian men are called to nothing less than participation in a war against the forces of darkness for the kingdom of God (Ephesians 6:10-12). The toughest part of Christian heroism, though, is that it is not prideful but humble. It is power under control and honor through service.

            Leadership can only be accomplished by leaders. The best men who lead are real men. Christian leaders do so by being heroes for Christ.