Christian Modesty

          I’m not exactly sure why modesty seems an issue more for women than men, but maybe it’s about how God made us. Women associate their self esteem with personal beauty (and judge other women by it as well). And male sexuality seems to be “wired” for visual attraction—appearance arouses men far more than personality and relationship. If this is at least generally true, should women feel a special burden to be modest and guard their beauty? I would say yes (but men should not ignore the issue).

            Take, for example, when couples disagree: 1. they shouldn’t raise their voices (though we all do); 2. when they do argue in anger, they must never cross the line of physical violence; 3. but the burden not to strike is greater on the husband because he will generally be the physically stronger. This is at least part of Peter’s meaning in speaking of, “…giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel…” ( I Peter 3:7 KJV). A man’s physical ability is given to him by God; so he must be a steward of that ability. In the same way, a woman’s beauty can have marked effects on the people around her. Her beauty is a stewardship from God meant for blessing. How she overtly uses or carefully guards her beauty is a testimony to her inner spirituality, and, even if she does not intend to use her beauty for anything, a woman’s appearance may open doors for outreach.

            In the end I think God wants us all to behave modestly and see physical beauty for what it is and what it’s not. I think He wants us to do this out of courtesy in acknowledging that human beings are sexual creatures, and I think He wants us to do this because internal beauty—beauty of the soul—is more important than outward appearance. I also think we can’t help but value beauty because beauty in the world is a glimpse of the glory of God—a glory we shall someday see face to face. Beauty is wonderful and dangerous, and so we should both celebrate it and conserve it through appropriate modesty.

Fashionable Solutions

            How, then, do we dress modestly without looking Amish? We could easily say that we shouldn’t care about external appearance at all, but we know that we do, and the Bible does celebrate beauty while also speaking of simplicity of dress.

            I begin with a general and honest principle: if women wore calf-length dresses, men would then stare at their ankles—the solution to modesty is not to force women to wear burkas. Women may bear a responsibility to dress modestly, but men bear a responsibility to say no to the impulse to stare where they should not. If men are “wired for sight,” for enjoying the physical appearance of women, we should look at that first impulse to stare with some grace. But the second impulse—to keep staring rather than choosing to see a woman for more than what’s on the outside—that impulse is the responsibility of Christian men to overcome. To this end, men and women should do their best to help each other out. How, then, can our dress be neither flaunting nor ashamed?

            For men I offer these tips: wear shirts, even when you’re working out; pull up your pants and keep them belted on your waist; wear clothes that are loose fitting though they don’t have to be baggy; and avoid showing underwear. When I posed this question to a group of college age women, they added that male modesty should include gentlemanly behavior—not merely avoiding sexual innuendo and un-Christian flirting, but also following simple manners like refraining from belching like a walrus!

            Modesty tips for women: There’s a difference between tight and form fitting. Tight is immodest, but you don’t have to wear a potato sack. The higher the neck line the better it is for guys. And the lower the hem line, the better. Dress lengths close to the knee are a courtesy. I am not speaking biblical requirements here. I’m speaking as a man regarding what I think would be most helpful to men in terms of a woman’s modesty. Low waisted “hip huggers” are a problem, especially for kneeling down and/or bending over. Something as simple as wearing a tucked in shirt might help in this regard. As with men, not showing underwear is a modest thing for women. And for men and women both, I’d recommend that shorts cover half the thigh. A college student also suggested avoiding clothing printed with vulgar statements.

            That leaves the problem of bathing suits. One of the reasons I argue that Christians should work in many different careers, even fashion, is what happens when Christians don’t work in those jobs. In this case, I suggest as delicately as possible that something has gone very wrong with our fashion sense in a world in which a “wax job” is required for the wearing of a bathing suit. Fortunately there are new suit cuts being offered even in main stream fashion, and, women who want greater modesty can find websites that specialize in very modest swim wear.

            I conclude by stating a point I’ve implied throughout this article: modesty is not about being ashamed and thinking sex “dirty.” It’s about courtesy, stewardship, and acknowledging the proper place of physical beauty in the world.